Welcome, or, as we say in Readville, Hihowahya. This
here is the official website of my campaign – actually, those knuckleheads
in my campaign told me we could buy up all the “mumbles menino” domain
names, but I think they missed one.
Eddie Jesser says you can’t play defense on
the web. He says that on the Net you can only be on offense, or offensive. I
got no clue what that means, but then, we don’t call Jesser the Perfessor
for nothing. Only instead of a chair, he’s got an endowed stool. At Doyle’s
– ha-ha.
This here site belongs to my old pal, Howie
Carr, whose radio show yooze should listen to every weekday on WRKO AM 680,
3-7. It’s a knucklehead show, if you ask me, but then, I’m prejudiced,
‘cause he’s the one what hung this ridiculous moniker on me – Mumbles.
See, the name Mumbles is from the old Dick
Tracy comic strip, and I’ll bet it won’t be long before he has a picture of
Mumbles right up here on the home page next to mine. I guess it could have
been worse – he could have lifted one o’ them other Dick Tracy villain
names.
Prune Face. B.O. Plenty. Flat top.
Feel free here at any point to move on to the
soundclips he and V.B. and the rest of his sorry crew have been savin’ up
over the years. Not that they got ‘em all either – they missed that one
where I talked about the “Providences” of Canada. They don’t got the one
where I say, “Who Don Gillis?” and they also missed the one where I talked
about the “Alcatraz around my neck.” Albatross, Alcatraz – I told you I
wasn’t no fancy talker. I’m an urban mechanic is what I is. But if you got a
moment, I’d like to fill you in on a few things, and don’t worry, this won’t
take long.
For years, Howie’s been giving me the business
in the Herald and on the radio, dredging up the same old same old, so I just
wanted to set a few things straight:
Okay,
so I worked for Joe Timilty, but that was before he went to the can, and
anyways, he’s been out for years now, and that bank fraud charge was
horsebleep anyway, not I talk to him no more.
Yeah, so I ran into Jimmy Martorano one day and hadda cuppa joe with him.
Like Howie ain’t never sat down with Jimmy neither?
No, I did not put Garreth Saunders (or is it Tony Crayton?) in the fight
as a straw? Not for nuttin, but if there's a third guy in there, it means
a preliminary in September, so I gotta debate 'em, see, 'cause the
Globe'll never let me blow off a black guy.
Now that I think about it, that’s all I got to
say right now. Excuse me – one more thing. No, I ain’t going to debate Maura
Hennigan. Here are some of the other things I don’t talk about – my
education, how I stayed out of the draft, the fact that my last real job was
selling life insurance door to door in 1963….
That’s it for me. I’m off to the Sock game.
Howie’ll have this up and running in a few
days, but I got one thing to say to him. Howie, who was that black guy
standing next to Maura at her announcement? Like you don’t know! Whyn’t you
do a column on Jimmy Cofield of BRA fame, as you’d say?
But no, nobody cares about Maura. They feel
sorry for her, just because she keeps falling into the potholes Joe Casazza
leaves all over the city for her. You break an ankle around here and you get
a pass. And you know what, that really fries my nose.
